your correspondent was peacefully enjoying a movie starring one
of his weird celebrity crushes, when the front door bursts open...
i hear, "oh no, oh no...[church of al]!...[church of al]!"...then the
bedroom door flingsopen..."we have cable," the mammal asks a little
confused...i nod...he yells, "we have cable!...[church of al] i am finally
an american!"...i nod again as he closes the bedroom door and turns
on the television in the living-room...i hear, "[church of al] i am
pausing h.b.o., i am pausing h.b.o.!"...then he becomes worried,
"oh no, we shouldn't have cable, i am never going to leave the house"
...i tell him that people will come for us, shout up from the street,
"[church of al], [mammal], where are you"...and we will respond,
"go away we are watching old dharma and greg reruns"
...the mammal adds that they will force their way into the
apartment and we will scream, "don't turn on the light!"

....the next morning i woke early around  9:30 and the mammal
was on the couch, in the dark drinking a mimosa and watching
back episodes of 'the wire' (his favourite show)...i left the apartment
and came back at four in the afternoon, and he was still there on the couch,
passed out, in the dark, with the telly blaring...he woke,
looked at me and said, "you have to help me, i can't move my legs"...

later that evening when he finally decided to move,
he again bursts into my room..."do you have any old crappy
band shirts?"...reluctantly i ask why...he responds, "tonite
i am dressing up as a trashy jersey rock chick, i have the
makeup and the denim skirt, but i need a good shirt"...i told
him i didn't have any ratt shirts or bon jovi,
(which of course is what he really wanted)...i then
asked if he was wearing his get-up to the comedy club
he manages..."no," he said, "the brothers will give me shit,
at three [a.m.] when all my work is done, then i will dress up"...
the picture in my head was magnificent, drunken' revilers
still out at three a.m. would witness the half
man-half beast shadow of a tart (a la the mammal)
roaming the high-heeled, vomit riddled
streets of the city...