the mammal burst in the door..."you'll never believe what happened to me today"..."what?" i ask slowly rising from the grotesque couch, shifting my gaze from the boring baseball game on the rabbit-eared telly..."i went into this hipster tee-shirt shop this afternoon...first of all i was drawn in by the walter sobchak tee in the window talking about how he doesn't roll on shabbat, but that was sold out" he adds, "i am assuming the jews bought them...[church of al] i am telling you every time they show that movie in isreal everyone cheers that line"...[author's note: the mammal, though not jewish, has his finger on the pulse of the jewish nation]...continuing, "i saw this great shirt of jimi hendrix with all the hindu gods around him, you've seen it right?" [i nod in the affirmative] "well i am usually a medium so i asked the girl if i could try it on, she let me, but evidently it was made for one of those bone thin guys because my nips were showing"..."then i asked for the large and had the same result, so i asked for the extra large"..."at that moment the manager came out and said, 'i am sorry you are not allowed to try on new shirts only vintage shirts'"...to which mammal replied, "that is fucking crazy!"...(as an aside to me he states, "i mean [church of al] am i just supposed to get home and realize my fucking nipples are showing, then what am i gonna do?")...it proceeded like that for a few minutes and then the manager told mammal, "alright get out"...and the mammal could not believe that he was getting kicked out of a tee-shirt shop...i agreed that he was not drunk or disorderly and should not have been shunned, but the mammal felt regret even though he did not do anything wrong...as he said, "i mean it was a black guy with dreads, i expected him not to follow the man's rules"...then for the rest of the night the mammal was thinking about how he could work his 'nips' into his comedy set...

one other note...on columbus day he went into the pizza place on the corner and remarked to the neapolitan owners, "happy columbus day!...columbus was from the north right?" [he receives an affirmative answer]..."well then fuck columbus!" [as he gives the double middle finger salute]...[author's note: for all that do not know, naples is in the south of italy and the mammal was by no means trying to consciously insult the proprietors]...to the 'fuck columbus!' remark the pizza men said, "no, no its okay"...to which the mammal again protested, "no, no fuck columbus!"