this morning mammal was taking his usual extra-long shower, talking to himself and yukkin' it up...meanwhile i am in my room waiting for his completion, because i have a serious bowel movement brewing...he finally gets out of the shower, and even with the bathroom door closed, he hears me come out of my room..."[church of al]" he yells, "is that you"..."yeah [mammal], look i really need to use the bathroom"..."jesus," he replies, "hasn't anyone ever taught you to hold it," he continues, "do you have to pee"..."no [mammal]," i reply "so hurry up or i am going in your room!"..."god, i have to shave, if you want to go you come in and go while i shave, i don't mind"...this is something that your author will not do, and i tell mammal as much adding "can't i have this one thing for myself?"...of course he is relentless, "not in this apartment!...jeez, [church of al] you are such a prude, if you really have to go get in here!"...[authors note: the bathroom is about the size of a closet and it would be difficult for the both of us to fit at one time no less shit and shave together, also there is an exposed water pipe that is fiery hot that one has to avoid]...now i am annoyed so i shout back, "i would but i am afraid you would like it too much!"...he continues his ridiculing and then shouts, "oww, i just burned my naked ass on that fucking pipe!"...indeed karma is a bitch...he finally is done shaving but he still holds me up showing me the "metrosexual makeup" he has on his eye which is simply wrinkle remover...after i finish he returns to the bathroom to primp and we continue the conversation...
"[church of al] you are such a prude what would happen if you were in the army?"
"i'm not in the army [mammal]..."
"but what if they instituted the draft?"
"i would move to canada..."
"but what if the u.s. took over canada?"
"they wouldn't take me because of my health..."
"but what if they lowered their standards..."
...and this banter continued until finally, with beret perched firmly upon his hairy skull, he strode confidently out into the misty manhattan morning...