mammal burst in the door today happy to see me...we haven't crossed paths in a week and he immediately launched into a story he was anxious to tell..."[church of al] i met two strippers from [a city in montana] at the comedy club last sunday, and when i closed i let them stay and drink with me..." i could tell this was going to go somewhere bizarre, and it began with the next lines..."we were sitting around and the one i wasn't into let me feel her tits, then we went to their hotel room..." evidently when the mammal got to the vile temptresses' room he began performing the holy act of cunnilingus on the girl that was of his interest, while the other one took pictures of him in mid-act...afterwards he took photographs of the camera girl's intimate areas, at her insistence, to send via camera phone to one of her beaus..."i didn't have sex with either of them," mammal related, "it seems that even this new generation has some sense of morality"...(i, of course, could not make the connection)..."but mammal," i asked, "what will this do to your budding political career?"..."shit," he responded, "it isn't like i was doing drugs, i mean they can't put a picture of this on the front pages of the tabloids; and besides by the time i am ready to run for congress all of this will be acceptable"...i tried to get more out of the furry beast, but alas he was already immersed in his newly repaired computer and unwilling to comment further...

a few weeks ago there was a knock on our door at five a.m...for once mammal and yours truly were both sleeping...mammal got up to answer the door and i listened through the paper thin walls..."hey mate how are you doing," a confused and accented voice greeted mammal...i recognized it as that crazy barrel-chested englishman that was dueling mammal for one of the vacant vixens a few weeks earlier...(see entry on nov. 16th) "uh i just came here to return your keys," he continued...the mammal, a little confused as to why the englishman had a set of apartment keys in the first place, accepted them with a thank you...the englishman proceeded, "yeah, i thought they were the keys to another [mammal with the same name's] apartment but they turned out to be yours; they opened up the front doors but not your apartment door"...i could only imagine the puzzled look on mammal's face when finally after all his easy living, karma was catching up with him at the apartment door at five in the morning in the form of a pug-nosed englishman...mammal played along, the entire time trying to shuffle him out the door, but the englishman didn't want to leave..."hey [mammal] you want to do a bump?"..."no man," mammal replied, "i was sleeping, i want to go back to sleep"...finally mammal pushed him out the door and double locked it...the next morning he told me the story, and could not for the life of him figure out how or why the englishman had our keys..."i guess he just put them in his pocket," was his final conclusion...

i have not seen much of the hairy mammal in the last month or two, but from what i can gather he has been a good little fuzz-ball...his computer is broken for the third time since he bought it two years ago, therefore he has completed some much needed projects around the apartment...finally, the shower head that flooded the bathroom has been replaced, and the bathroom door that swelled due to water damage can be shut again...as i was leaving today mammal was on the phone with apple computer (hipster compu-central) going through the steps to reboot his computer with little positive result..."mammal, how you making out?"..."how does it look [church of al] obviously not too well," he responded looking like a little boy in his winter p.j.'s...the stress and anger in his tone was too much, so i came back joyfully, "well i am going uptown to use the computer, see you later!"...he responded angrily, "[c of al] why don't you get a job, all you do is fuck that doctor!"...i laughed, knowing that he was right, and that he couldn't for the life of him figure out how i did it...he then changed the subject to football (which he doesn't follow), "i wanted new orleans to win yesterday," he stated...i replied, "i am glad chicago won, i want them to win the superbowl"..."[c of al] you don't even like chicago," mammal yelled, "why would you want them to win?"..."first of all [mammal] i do like chicago and second of all, you know nothing about football"...that was a point he had to concede, and before more words were exchanged i was out the door, leaving him alone in the pit, clad in p.j.'s, and staring at a dark computer screen...